Plan for my goals

Falling Pregnant

Unfortunately, the only thing that I can do is keep trying, so every month, ill keep going.

Wedding plans

I've found lots of ways to incorporate Penelope into the wedding. (You'll have to wait and see)

I've put a deposit on my dress, decided on a venue (deposit going down next Thursday) and I'm itching to make my save the date cards!

Everything is going to plan though and ahead of schedule! This one is the easy one! :)

'Bintage' and Penelope's Vintage World.

I have just booked myself in to do my first Vintage Fair and I haven't got long to plan for it.

It is on 4th August. I will have a stall at the Firle Vintage Fair. I am a mixture between very excited and very nervous. I am on a mission to get myself the best, beautiful and best selling stock to show everyone how awesome Penelope's Vintage World and the term 'Bintage'. Might need some more lovely signage. Maybe drawn up on my vintage typewriter? :)

Watch this space :)

My Most Favourite Dessert in the whole world!

My most favourite pudding that I ever had in my whole life was an Eton Mess.

Not just any Eton Mess, but a Mango and Passionfruit Eton Mess!

And so simple to make.

What you REALLY need to do is go to any 'cook' shop. You know the ones, the ones that sell beautiful, yummy, hand,add freezer meals! :) buy their mango and Passionfruit coulis.

Go to M&S and buy their small meringue nests and double (naughty) whipping cream and a couple of passionfruits.

Crush meringue nests in a bowl, whip the cream, once whipped, stir in with the meringue.

Gets some small serving glasses, drizzle the insides of the glasses with the coulis, spoon a large dollop of the meringue mix in, drizzle some more coulis over the top and empty the contents of a small Passionfruit over the top. (You can probably decorate 2 desserts with one fruit) get a spoon and eat immediately after serving!

My shop!!!

I honestly love vintage. 

I'm happily in the vintage business. 

Visit my online Facebook shop

Www.facebook.com/penelopesvintageworld

Please remember to like my page with all the lovely updates of dear little vintage bits :) 

Can't wait to meet you all!!!! 

Xxxxxxxxx

Time to take it easy.....

Now, we all know that people have totally different ways that they like to relax and calm down and I was trying to think about something exciting that you would all want to know about that will inspire you all. 

Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people who bake cakes to relax, or paint beautiful art or do a stretching exercise to wind down. 

There's lots of things I enjoy doing that bring me back to ME like visiting charity shops or visiting family or even getting my hands dirty and involved in cleaning and making house for my wonderful other half but they aren't things I use to wind down. 

I love taking my puppy for walks. I don't listen to music, I just walk, talk to my Angel Penelope, chat away to my puppy, admire the beauty of Sussex which I have utterly fallen in love with since moving here 3 years ago and listening to the sound of my flip flops, clip clopping underneath me. 

What I really do to utterly relax and wind down is lay on my bed, propped up with extra pillows, star fished on top of the duvet, watching the TV that I love and Ben hates!! It's like my guilty pleasure which I really don't do enough of. 

I watched the brand new Ray Donovan on TV the other day. This was so awesome, I can't wait for the next one next week. I love Mad Men. I love Bones. I love Stella. I love Downton Abbey. I utterly love Supernatural. 

I love just doing nothing and immersing myself in the lives of other people. 

Besides, I need to know the fate of Lady Mary!!!!! 

My Life's Motto

'We have all suffered some hardship in life. Mine might just be different to yours. So don't judge other people until you know theirs' 

This is so true. 

If you think to that woman in the office. Right sour old grapes isn't she? Doesn't get involved in any conversation at work. Scowls at most people. Grasses you up for wearing flip flops at work maybe? 

Just take a second to think. 

She might have something going on at home, currently or in the past, that has really turned her into this person. Your past can really mould a person into what you are today. 

Hopefully, it has made you into a stronger, more compassionate, easy going person. But, it can also make you quite resentful, almost angry or extremely timid, so much so that you can seem quite stand offish. 

Sometimes it can be not having the most nurturing upbringing, a horrific past, or current, relationship. It could even have been an experience that happened in the flash of a second that left an imprint on your life forever! 

So, before you judge that person, please spare a thought, and have some compassion for that person. And if you really can't tolerate their behaviour, then by all means, give that person a wide berth. 

I always think when you get to know someone, your opinion of that person can dramatically change. On the other hand, it might not? 

Have you ever experienced this or even been mid judged for some things you do as a result of a life changing event? 

My most cherished belonging

This, is my nan's necklace that she gave to me on my 16th birthday. 

I remember getting it and knowing how beautiful it was. It's a pearl which is my birth stone too and there is a tiny diamond on the bow where the 'ribbons' cross over. 

I also remember thinking that I couldn't wear it. I had nowhere to wear it. I was still 'hanging out' with my mates, as kids do, so I wasn't keen on wearing it to get damaged. 

I remember my sister being given a necklace too, it was also one of my nan's old ones but it had a gold necklace and my sister (also my twin) instantly changed the chain on it but still wears that pendant almost every single day and has done since, which was 11 years ago. 

This is the necklace that I wear the most. I don't wear it everyday as I don't want it damaged and I wear quite a bit of dress jewellery, but this is the necklace I will wear while walking down the aisle, just to ensure that she is with me, holding my hand, as I do this. 

She did meet Ben a couple of times before she passed away, and she thought he was wonderful for me. She really liked him! So I know that I will be making her proud when I marry him. 

I know this blog kind of has a theme running through, but I have always lived my life in awe of my nan. I have completely admired her. Even her perceived flaws, I think they are the most perfect flaws in the world!

My nan is the person that I strive to be like, the one influential person in my life that I will consider in every decision I make. Her recipe folder is treated like the Holy Grail. Her Slow Cooker has pride of place in my kitchen. Her Oat Krunchie recipe is only ever made in the dish that my nan used to make it in. Her headscarves are hanging delicately in my bedroom where I can look at them often. 

I can't help but go to my Grandad's house, knowing there is lots of lovely bits of my nan's still in the wardrobes and just wanting to go and touch them. Wanting to collect all the things in the kitchen that remind me of her, including the awesome retro silver dishes she used to serve my favourite in, Butterscotch Angel Delight. 

You have no idea how awesome and inspirational and inspiring and utterly magical my nan was. She never had any large, public achievements but her motives in life were always pure, her family were the most important people to her and she worked hard, alongside my grandad, to carve out a life for our family to give us the best future possible. 

All I can do now is follow suit for the sake of my children! 

Thank you for reading about how much I love my nan, again. 

Xxxxxxxxx

My most favouritest place in the whole wide world!

Petworth House 

Petworth House, Petworth, Sussex

I love this place from the bottom of my heart. 

When I think about this place I genuinely get a warm feeling. 

When I visit this place I turn into a small child and start whizzing around and literally spinning! 

I have always desperately wanted to get married at Petworth House BUT they don't do weddings! 

It is the most beautiful building. 

With a stunning chapel. 

With fabulous art. 

With such passionate staff and volunteers who love sharing the stories of the place. 

To the contrasting kitchens that have been renovated back to pre war. 

To the fact that it was turned into a hospital for armed forces in The Great War. 

To the Capability Brown landscaping including the Great Lake and the nature park with their own Deer. 

To the romance of the whole place.

To the fact that this place could never be tainted by anything, ever, in my heart. 

And all because my Nan and Grandad took us there one Summer Holiday when I was a lot younger. 

All because I so desperately want to be close to my Grandparents high expectation of me. 

All because I have always shared in their passion for History, including our own history as a family. 

All because it is always sunny when I visit there. 

Thank you for letting me share my most favourite place in the world with you. 

My brand new Vintage Outfit!!

Photos courtesy of Samantha Goddard of www.facebook.com/theteapartystyle 

So, I went to the local Pop-up Vintage Fair at Adastra Hall in Hassocks and WOW there was a lot of amazing things! 

I do need to start being a little more selective as I seem to have a lot of pretty much everything. Hehe. 

I bought myself a beautiful platter and flour sifter from Sam, a vintage flower press and this amazing Bathing Suit! And it even came with a story. 

It is about as genuinely vintage as you get. You don't get boned bathing suits anymore, do you? And I am even more please to say, that it fit me! 

The lady that was selling it found it in an undisclosed location and needed to buy a few bits for a Marilyn Monroe lookalike for Goodwood, but when said lookalike saw the bathing suit, she wasn't overly taken with it. Hence why I now have it! 

This lady was fabulous and I really wish I had more time to talk to her. She was one of those terribly interesting people who didn't mind sharing her stories. All of which were magical!!

Favourite Film

Favourite film of all time is hands down 'Color of Purple' 

It's a Steven Spielberg film that starts Whoopi Goldberg and documents the life of a young girls life that gets married off to a local man, who had been previously widowed and documents the mid treatment of her at the hands of the men in her life. 

Her relationship with her sister is a very close and tragic one and sees her sister being banished from her marital home because she tried to teach Whoopi to read behind her oppressive husbands back! 

The next close female relationship she has after this is with her husbands lover who is a beautiful, talented and graceful woman. She sings the most beautiful Blues songs in the shack that Whoopi's husband built for the local areas and holds a captive audience with all the men who attend. 

One man that she cannot capture in her spell is her preacher father. All she wants is to be loved by her father. 

She sings the most beautiful song in the film about Whoopi's character called Miss Celie's Blues. It is a beautiful, sad and empowering song, truly sing from the heart. 

The utter disparity of life in this film makes all those little pockets of romance and compassion so much more heart rendering. 

Steven Spielberg has never made a bad film and I truly feel that this is one of his best works. It is quite a long sitting though, almost 3 hours long but perfect if you want an evening to yourself because you are losing the ability to feel pure compassion for all those people that, quite frankly, could do with a slap! 

Best holiday

Hands down the best holiday I have been on is the one I've just got back from. 

Hadn't been on holiday for years and it was really needed. 

But the best thing was that my boyfriend, father of my beautiful Angel girl, asked me to marry him! 

I've got the most beautiful ring from the most amazing man in the world!!!! 

I can't wait to Marry him. He's my hero! My king. 

I can't wait to marry him. For him to be my husband would be a dream come true. 

He's the man I have been waiting to marry all my life. 

Like my dad in the best ways. Like my step dad in other best ways. 

What more would I want than to have more healthy babies with this man! 

I love you Benji. Thank you for making my holiday the best holiday in the world. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Favourite Quote

'My nan owned it, my mum threw it out and I'm bringing it back!' 

This is my favourite quote in the world and sums up my way of living perfectly. 

I don't just like old things. I genuinely want to live like my nana did. (It's OK she had one of the first microwaves when they came out and experimented a lot with cooking using the microwave.) 

I have just taken delivery of my typewriter. I have my own sewing machine. I support my man while he works late. I TRY to make do and mend within my ability. I have her cookbooks and her folder that she compiled her recipes. I have her pinking shears. I wear her head scarves. I have her jam pot. I would lift anything from her house to have as my own. 

My mum likes everything new. Everything. 

I would dress as my nan did. From the 40s through to the 90s. To me she was a style icon with her beehive dyed brunette until she retired at 65. Never a hair out of place. 

My mum has short cropped hair. Wears trackies to the shops. 

My nan had her kitchen redone once in her life time and treasured it. She had the carpets relaid once and made everyone take their shoes off at the threshold. She wasn't poor, in fact she was quite well off, she just appreciated and cherished those items she had. 

Mum has had 3 new kitchens in 10 years!!

I'm only saying...... 

Which way is better. I know what I would choose. You made do. You made things work. Things were built to last forever. They had a purpose and were beautiful. 

Now back to my typewriter..... 

Goals for the next 6 months

Well, I have spent a lot of time contemplating this topic but I think I've got it. 

I wasn't sure whether to focus on my career or personal life or both so I thought as I am wanting to be as honest as possible in my blog, ill just write down everything my heart desires for myself for the next 6 months. 

1/ fall pregnant. 

After losing our beautiful daughter last Christmas time, I really would like to be pregnant by the time the first anniversary of her death comes around. 

My heart breaks every day for her and I really want to make her proud. I will never be able to replace her with another child but I can bring her a brother or a sister into this world and showering the love I hold for her as well as her sibling into our future children. I know that will make her proud. I want her to know that losing her hasn't ended my life but will eventually give me the strength to carry on. 

2/ work hard and plan a wedding that incorporates Penelope into the celebrations using things that mean something to me and her daddy on the big day. Something that shows her we will never forget her. 

3/ have people recognise 'Bintage' as a common term. To truly understand its meaning and to have its own followers of the trend. 

4/ have Penelope's Vintage World set up as a strong online shop, a well known blog and to start writing a book on 'Bintage' living. 

My favourite home made meal.

I love cooking, don't get me wrong but I think food tastes soooo much better when someone else makes it. 

I'm not sure if it is because you haven't had to look at it for 40 minutes to 2 and a half hours that makes it taste so much better, or the fact that you're make up is steamed off because you've put your head in the oven too many times, watching it. Or if it is just because you're not exhausted when you finally get to eat it. 

Whatever the reason. I love dinners that I haven't cooked but especially those by my nana in the past (her roast dinners were my favourite and for years could only appreciate roast dinners made by my nan) and my mum now make for me. 

I know that if I am at my mums and there is enough to stretch for me to join them, I am there!! I love that my mum is quite experimental in her cooking and I am more than happy to try anything I haven't tried before. 

It's quite difficult and hard work cooking things I would love at home, my other half likes quite basic things. He loves take always whether its McDonald's, Domino's or Indian so if I can replicate that, I'm pretty much onto a winner. I don't get much call to be experimental with food at home so I just don't bother anymore. I haven't the inclination to cook 2 different dinners every night. 

Dinner is very exciting if I go round my mums, or a friends. This isn't a moan. Purely an observation of mine. 

He doesn't even like cake!!! 

(That was definately a moan!!!) 

My new favourite picture

This is me and my best friend, Rochelle, at her wedding yesterday. I was so honoured to be her bridesmaid! 

This is me and the beautiful bride in the photo booth she had at the reception. This was a superb idea and I loved it so much!!! I might have to steal it for my wedding! 

We may have been a little tipsy too. 

Anyway, I love her so much and i am so proud of her. She has always been a fair and supportive partner to John, her new husband. She is an admirable mum to the gorgeous Chloe-Holly who was stunning in her pink flower girl dress and head dress. And an amazing, sometimes brutally honest, friend. 

Love you Rochelle Ellis!! I hope your future is the stuff dreams are made of!! 

Xxxxx

What am I good at?

This is the worst day for me. What am I good at? That means blowing my own trumpet. 

I'm not good at that. 

Yeah, banter is different. I can say how awesome I am if it's a joke.

I think the thing I am good at, without it being a 'thing' is just being true to myself. 

This isn't really a good thing for my poor fiancé though. Let me explain.....

I LOVE crap music. When I say crap, that's other people's opinions. I love backstreet boys. I love Justin Bieber. I love Drum and Bass too. (Eclectic mix already) I love EDM. I love 90s RnB. 

I love vintage. Like love it. Not Retro. That's a little too cool for me. 

I love the bright pink sweatshirt with Hippos on that was my mother in laws that I rescued from going to the dump and wore it whilst I was pregnant. There was a lovely calf length button up shift dress that I rescued too. I have my nanas head scarves that mum pinched from my grandads house for me. I love the pots and pans I have inherited from her home since she passed away. 

I love anything that reminds me of my nan. 

I have her knitting needles, some I have had since I was a little girl. Some I have acquired more recently. 

I love old fashioned furniture. Not shabby chic but old. Things you'd find in a 90 year old ladies house. 

I'm good at being true to my own individual personality. 

I get excited about the most random things like Angel Delight and my heart flutters at the 'frightening' dresses in the local charity shops, and I buy them, and I rock them!!! 

Unfortunately, the only thing that I cannot do, is hang plates on the wall. :( my nana did before me so it's only fair I do too. So I am limited to housing them beautifully on my dresser. 

Basically my other half is preventing me being the slightly crazy person I am. I just get called wierd not crazy.

If only he knew. 

So I guess it wasn't totally on topic but I'm proud of being myself. 

I have crazy bright ideas. I get emotionally attached to things and places. I have my head firmly secured in a very fluffy pink cloud and that's the way I like it. 

Be yourself. Don't pretend to be anyone else. Rock your own personality :) 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A Happy Memory

As you probably guessed, my favourite memories are of when I was a young girl, with my beautiful nana.

My happiest, warmest memories are all of times I spent at my nan and grandads house when I was little.

We would do all the things that I had planned to do with my daughter when she was born.

We used to tinkle over the piano, me and my twin sister used to sit either side of my nana on the bench at the piano and muck about pressing the keys. Playing little snippets of tunes. Laugh hard and have awesome cuddles with nana.

We used to sit either side of my nana on the sofa and learn knitting and pearling. With my nana getting frustrated with us dropping stitches and her having to fix it all for us. Marvelling at the rapid clicking of her knitting needles and wishing I could knit and fast and as competent as she.

Sitting at the dining table, making these paper lanterns for Christmas decorations out of the dot matrix paper she got from work. Peeling the edges off before we got down to our crafting or drawing.

And even down to the learning our times tables at the dining table.

When she used to pick our little noses, when we were very little, with the nail on her little finger! A very gratifying habit that I seem to have picked up from her, much to the disgust of my niece.

The butterscotch angel delight in the 1960's metal dishes.

My nana will always be my inspiration for living and my future childcare. She was one amazing woman. Not perfect. But perfectly flawed.

<3

A typical day for me

Right, time for some honesty I guess......

A typical day for me is not as full of exciting vintage things as I would like but it is full of vintage distractions, that's for sure!

I do have a day job but things have been really difficult lately. I went on maternity leave 7 December 2012 and on 10 December 2012 I was told that my daughter had passed away inside the womb. 2 days later on the 12 December 2012 I gave birth to my beautiful Penelope.

Since then my life has pretty much been over. I have tried to get on with life but I have struggled with Grief, the depression I have suffered since I was 11 after some terrible things had happened to me completely and utterly debilitating coupled with losing my precious angel.

I went back to work on 21 March 2013 after a short maternity break and have spent a long time physically, mentally and emotionally unable to go into work and face the lovely girls with stories of their gorgeous babies, despite how much I love my friends this is awfully painful for me and exhausting to have to try pretend that everything is OK and I can cope with it.

Most of my days are spent under my duvet, looking at Facebook and all the lovely vintage things and blogs, and posts and inspirational posts and vintage hair do tutorials that I spend hours doing at home on my own while my tortured fiancé works hard.

I honestly feel guilty about how I feel for the other people in my life. I must be a complete pain in the ass for all the people that care about me. Am I too self indulgent? I know I should just get on with it but I honestly can't, I go out the house and just want to get back home as quickly as possible!

I still do housework but that never really starts until about 8pm at night and doesn't end until midnight some nights. I still enjoy cooking but not as much as I used to. It's not the same, I'm no longer nurturing my pregnant body, I have no need to nurture my body for energy for a good enough purpose.

I spend my days either at work wishing I could run away or sat at home, wishing my life could go back to say November last year where it was full of hope and promise and I could intervene before it was too late and have a beautiful bouncing baby to fill my days and nights rather than this never ending emptiness!

I have this huge to do list of silly little things that could easily fill my time and I just stare at it. I have this lovely dress that I picked up from a charity shop on my 'maternity leave' and it has a small hole in the back along a seam that would literally take 4 minutes to fix and I might actually do it this afternoon. I'm off to a Psychic this evening to try and get some answers as to why this happened to me, although that might not be what I get, I was put in touch with her by a lovely lady that I know and I am eternally grateful for the introduction. I'd like to get it fixed and wear it for my appointment.

Wish me luck for my appointment. I'm petrified.

About Me! <3

My name is Fiona Ballard and I am a serious Vintage Enthusiast!

I want to start blogging because I really want to tell everyone about how much I love everything vintage!

My hobbies are looking at vintage things on Facebook and etsy, researching vintage living, implementing the vintage way of living in my own life, buying vintage things for my home and clothes etc. networking on Facebook, watching mad men, taking my lovely Yorkshire Terrier for walks, reading PVBMag (that’s not even a joke!) and more recently, planning my own amazing vintage wedding!

I LOVE...
My fiancé
My Waldybags
Vintage Homewares
Vintage Clothes and Grace Kelly
My Puppy
Mad Men
Henry Cavill
Crafting
Wedding planning
My hydrangea
Cleaning

I HATE...
Mess and a lack of manners!