It's nearly my birthday! Eek!

Last week almost felt like my birthday! 

My new sofas arrived! And I absolutely love them! They are from DFS and part of the beautiful French Connection range. 

My little munchkin Jessica looking so cute sat on the 4 seater and the 3 seater butted up strategically to the cupboard part of my dresser. 

Jessica is also being amazing! In the last couple of weeks she started crawling and is already sofa surfing! Yesterday she even stood unaided for about 2 seconds before she decked it! Bless her! 

Oh and she now says mum, mum and Dad, dad! Killer cute! 

I also went to one of my bridesmaids from my weddings' baby shower and I crocheted her a lovely baby blanket and gave her the cutest pair of baby ugg's that her own mum bought for me when I was expecting! 

I am also so close to getting my pre pregnancy figure back! This morning I was so excited I had to take a picture!  

I have been doing Juice Plus, and as you can see, the results are very encouraging! I'm also now a Juice Plus rep. I mean, why would I not want to help others get the results that they want!? 

I am now back in size 10 jeans and size 8 tops! I can't even explain how happy I am with it, just need some proper hot weather for crop tops! Which isn't that frequent when you live so close to the sea! The breeze is beautiful but not crop top beautiful! 

This week is the last week before I turn 29 and I have a wonderful wish list going...lots of beautiful vintage dresses and accessories and of course, a sun jellies tote! I need one so bad! I need one more than I need jelly shoes! 

I'm also crushing on Cry Baby this week! How could I not? Johnny Depp at his most heartbreakingly wonderful.... 

Here you go, here's a quick piccie of the beaut to keep you going.... 

Now we're all settled into our new home....

Myself, hubby and our little Jessica have all moved into our first home of our very own and it has been a very busy month here! 

I have just managed to pick up my crochet hook again and have some time to write again and I am loving this place! 

Here is how our home looked in the first week... 

That's my lovely husband removing the old fireplace in our living room. The middle picture is where I began to take wallpaper off and discovered that part of the back wall had collapsed in the past, hence why it was covered with wallpaper I'm guessing! 

We started removing wallpaper in the house on day 3 and found a wonderful 60s cowboy and spaceships wallpaper, which was the bottom of 4 layers in that room! It took us a total of 3 days to remove all the wallpaper in the house and we aso removed all the carpets too! 

We also had to have a whole brand new central heating system installed as there had never been any in the property! 

This was us clearing out the fireplace so that we could plaster in and around it. 

We also had to remove the entire kitchen! The kitchen had suffered a leak at one point and the tiles were so poor. In some places there were 3 or 4 layers of tile upon tile! 

The fireplace after being plastered. 

An empty kitchen!! 

We then discovered all the walls needed replastering!! 

So then we reached a stage of where things were almost starting to get better. This was only a week in! 

Second instalment to follow..... 

Xx

I gave up my maternity clothes today...

So today I was having a lazy morning with my little family when I thought, what can I get rid of that won't take me a long time to do? 

I'd already recently gone through the items under my bed and the drawers in my bedroom and my clothes but I knew I had an entire suitcase of clothes under the bed that I hadn't looked at for a while. 

It had my maternity clothes in it! 

Looking at them is a real bittersweet feeling for me. Partly because I wore them when I was expecting our Angel Penelope, but also because I wore them when I was expecting our Rainbow Jessica and torn between hope and fear. 

I knew I had to get rid of it all though, it's right for the soul. 

All I kept was 1 tshirt with a sweet bump slogan that I bought when I was expecting Penelope and wore it this time around too ❤️ 

'Penelope' 

Even saying this I keep thinking maybe I should just go through the bag again, just invade, but honestly, once it's gone, does it really matter? It's just stuff!

The memories, the feelings, the people, whether they are here or not, that's what makes life full.

I felt, after Penelope, that with every small item I bought, it would make me feel better, but it didn't, it never did. And now, I'm having to declutter all of my hurt and grief all over again. I'm literally so relieved I'm doing it. 

What's better is that now I have my beautiful Jessica to keep me company. It's like she knows, at 7 months old, when I need a smile or a kiss from her. 

I love my girls ❤️❤️ family forever!!!! 

Giving up clutter for lent!

This is my challenge for Lent, not giving up chocolate, or sweets or even bread, but organising my home. 

Don't get me wrong, my home isn't dirty, but I do have a lot of stuff! 

When we lost Penelope I found myself buying lots and lots of things that I'd never need and now have decided I don't want. 

I could collect it altogether and do a car boot sale with it, but with a 7 month old baby, I can't see me getting round to it in all honesty, I'd rather donate most of it to charity shops. 

For example, I have 3 typewriters! Who needs 3 typewriters? I have one from pre world war which is in a bit of a bad way. I have a beautiful portable one from the 60s which works well apart from needing a new ribbon. And finally, I have an electronic one from the 80s which still works well! I've decided to get rid of the earlier one...that's it! Lol. 

Also, I know I have 2 sewing machines, but I need them both. I have one that's 2 years old and barely broken in and an old Singer machine for display purposes only. 

I need to go through my cosmetics definitely! I have finally, after 28 years, discovered the right products for my skin! The items I have hoarded for years needs to go! 

And, like almost every woman I know, I could probably do something about decluttering my clothing. I have 12 coats!!! This was never going to end well! 

If you want to join in with the challenge go to http://www.whitehouseblackshutters.com/40-bags-in-40-days-2014/ and sign yourself up. 

Let me know if you're joining in with me. I think it's better to detox the mind, then you're ready for anything! 

Good luck! 

Runaway time

Time, they say, can be a mighty healer. But on the other hand it can also be your cruelest tormentor. 

Have you ever wanted time just to stand still, even if just for a short time? Have you ever wanted time to speed up so you didn't have to endure the inevitable wait ahead to know everything would work out? 

I have, both, on seperate occasions. 

The time I have most wanted to stand still is surrounding the time we lost our Penelope. When they first ever told me she had passed away inside my womb, time for me seemed utterly irrelevant. But when I left hospital to return home with my little girl, to return in 2 days to give birth, all I wanted was time just to STOP! 

I didn't want to labour my beautiful girl. I didn't want her to be taken away from me afterwards. I wanted them to leave me and Penelope alone so that we may forever be together. I didn't want anyone else to touch her. Or me. I didn't want anyone to touch me, comfort me, tell me they understood. How could they possibly understand?! How could they even think to suggest that they even felt close to the despair and utter grief I felt?!

I didn't want to go through the funeral! How I ever stood on the other side of those doors after her funeral and not demand one final cuddle? Maybe she needed it as much as I did? 

I felt so alone in those days. I attended the funeral director appointments alone. I had my final chance to say goodbye there and I am so glad I did. 

I wanted so much for time to stop. Just so I could catch my breath. 

But the Jessica came along and all of a sudden I find myself wishing time away. Wishing the time away it took to fall pregnant again. Wishing the time away of my whole entire pregnancy. Wishing the time away of her birth, despite wanting it to be magical for us, just desperately wanting her to be here and safe and well!

And then 3 hours after birth, she was admitted to SCBU! I couldn't wish that time away enough. I wouldn't sleep, for 2 whole weeks! I'd wake at 3am and go round and visit until the sun rose just before 6am, then they would send me back to get rest and Id be back at 8.30 in time to see the on duty Dr doing his rounds. And just spent all my time next to her cot. 

The 20 minutes it took them to get round to administering the life saving medicine to see if it would work or not was awful. I wished that was whisked along faster. The moment they told me it had worked and would only get better from here on out, I collapsed in a heap on the floor in tears frantically thanking the nurse who delivered the news. Then rushing in to resume my place by Jessica's cot, thanking the Dr multiple times through sobbing tears. 

The longer than normal period that it took Jessica to come off the oxygen, that definately could have been whizzed please, especially some of the doubting predictions from the pessimists and the roller coaster feeling of then receiving predictions from the optimists. That wax tough. And the unwanted interference from a nurse who put our return home back at least a day! 

But now I'm back to wanting time to stand still again! Sometimes. My little girl is growing so so fast but then every day she grows stronger, and her character develops more with each day, and she learns new things and tries a little harder to progress each day. 

Now, you wouldn't even think that she was 4 weeks early. And that she had a rough start. Her development is on par with most babies her age (4 months old) and she has picked up weaning remarkably well with an ever expanding appetite. 

Both my little girls will always make me proud and right now, I'm happy with time plodding on. I will always have time to think about my Penelope. She never leaves my thoughts. 

Family Sunday?

Sundays to me are a family day. And I adore them! 

The only thing that is a bit pants is that it is the last day of the weekend but it is so much better to be positive about this day! 

I love the lie ins (which I only have several left of before Jessica arrives) and the housework, cooking the other halves favourite meals and really making a fuss of him and making sure he is ready and relaxed for the week ahead. 

It's not a totally selfless task though, he is very helpful on Sundays doing a dump run almost every weekend while I have been trying to get the house ready for our little bundle of joy. 

I can really make an effort with dinners on Sundays, you always feel like you have more time to yourself. I never do a full roast as that isn't really 'my thing' though. Am I the only one that thinks that roast dinners are a lot of hassle for not enough enjoyment? You're always sick of looking at it by the time you sit down to eat it. 

I'm very much looking forward to tonight's dinner, spicy chicken (the technique unashamedly stolen) and handmade chips that gives the other half the excuse to get out his horrid deep fat fryer from the cupboard! And a lovely big salad for my plate!!!! 

It's also a day for me to take stock and think about my week ahead and the tasks that must be completed and any little projects I want to try and get completed. 

All of this could is a lot more difficult than usual. With a little wriggly monster using my skin as a Pilates band with her feet and the SPD restricting me from doing a lot, I have a lot against me. Luckily for me I have been in nesting mode for months so I have been very pro active doing the things that I need to get done. And those things that I physically cannot do I have had some amazing support and spare bodies around to save me from my frustration. 

I have so much to do next week already! I've painted the box to hold all the special bits to serve as a memory box for Jessica and I want to finish decorating that. I want to finish the crochet blanket I am making for her. I would love to make some little cafe curtains for the kitchen which should only take an hour to make, including measuring up and I'm desperate for a new battery for my watch too before I have Jessica. 

Add on top of this 6 months worth of filing which I have to do and I have also decided to completely re do my filing system, and my wedding folder that I need to reorganise which will all help me with my housewife duties once little Jessica is here! 

I love Sundays, they always make me feel so good about the week ahead and give me and my other half a real chance to catch up and plan what we need to do the following week and this week we have a midwife appointment where I can grill her over my induction and a friends wedding reception to attend so I need to start fighting out what to wear!!!

What's your favourite thing about Sundays? I'd love to know! 

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Had a bit of a broken day today

34 weeks and 2 days. 

I thought this morning that I was going to have a wonderful day but my lovely pregnancy hormones got the better of me. 

It's always the smallest of things that set you over the edge isn't it? 

I got up bright and early this morning and had my usual breakfast of yummy coco pops. And obviously I'm blaming the baby for my coco pops cravings..... And felt really positive about all my jobs I had to get done. 

Our poor lovely Tigger needed to go to his vet appointment this morning cos he had a poorly eye which was making him very sorry for himself so I jumped (as much as a heavily pregnant woman can) into the shower. 

First progress barrier: no shampoo!!!!! Surprisingly, this got me quite upset and panicky. I dived out the shower, dripping wet long and thick hair, and delved into my back up box. No back up bottle!!!!! Now what? I got back into the shower in tears trying to figure out what to do. I couldn't not wash my hair so I ended up using shower gel and lashings of thick conditioner to try and rescue my hair. My hair goes brittle within seconds if I don't use the right thing on it. So, mega disaster narrowly averted. 

Then after getting myself barely ready, I got myself and my dog, Jimmy ready. I had heard somewhere in the past that it is best not to put a cat in a travel box until the last second as it is quite distressing for them. 

Little did I know that it would be more distressing for myself than poor Tigger! 

Second progress barrier: He wouldn't go in and he was sticking his legs out and pretty much screaming at me. 

I let go of him and just started crying!!!!

I called my other half and cried down the phone to him. I wasn't sure what he would have done, but I called him anyway. 

He suggested I call the vets to at least let them know I was going to be running late. 

I called the vets and asked if they had a sure fire way of doing this process stress free and they did, and it was magic!!!! 

She suggested I tip the crate on it's end so the open door was facing upwards, then grab Tigger by the scruff of his neck and lower him gently but firmly, back feet first, into the crate. 

It was incredible. He went straight in and off I went to the vets. 

My poor Tigger has got conjunctivitis! 

After this all happening before lunch I was so exhausted. I just wanted to stay in and chill out after that. I just managed to do some housework but I have also done a few minor bits in the nursery too. It has made me feel so much better about 'being ready' for Jessica. 

I've got just 11 days left until I'm being induced. 

Next panic: my hospital bags!!!!!!!!!